On skydive simulations

"Do you remember when we did that skydive simulator?"
"Oh yeah!  Your back arched like a banana!  I remember when you were a banana... Actually, no, you were more than a banana.  Bananas envy your curves!"

On dinner tonight

"I don't know what I made but it's probably something."

On my deepest thoughts

"What's it like to be you?"
"Oh... okay, well - (*gives thoughtful, meaningful response*) - and what about you??"
"Oh, I don't want to answer.  I just wanted to hear you talk.  I like you."

On a larger-than-expected breakfast

"Do you remember that time you made me a three-egg omelette without telling me?  I was sweating, and stressing over why I couldn't finish it... I wondered what was wrong with me."
"Well you didn't have to finish it!"
"Yes I did. ... That's the worst thing you've ever done."

On the word "juxtapose"

"They were juxtapositioning-"

"It's 'juxtapose'."

"What?"

"The verb is 'juxtapose'; the noun is 'juxtaposition'."

"Not 'juxtapositioning'?"

"Nope."

"Not... 'juxtayshing'?"

"No."

"Not, 'Juxtin Trudeau'?"

"..........no."

On my vision

*before bed, in the dark*
" *click click click* "
"What are you doing?"
"You're so blind that I'm going to start giving you auditory clues to get to bed... *click click click* It's echolocation! ... *click click click* "
"You're echolocating for me?"
" *click click click* ... Yes, reserve echolocating! ... You found me!"

On pilates

"I think you like pilates because you think it's 'parties'.  But it's pronounced 'pi-lah-tees', not 'peer-arrr-tees'!"