On the English language

"It's the fourth rule of grammar."
"What are the first three?"
"...don't swear?"

On long hair

"I want to grow my hair longer.  Like, to my waist."
"But that's the tramp zone!"
"What?"
"Yeah, once your hair reaches your waist it's like an arrow pointing to your tramp stamp."
"But I don't have a tramp stamp."
"But people will assume you will because that's where your hair is pointing!"

On my mother's birthday

"What should I get my mom for her birthday?"
"Pizza pants."
"Jon, what are pizza pants?"
"You take some pizzas and you wrap them around your legs... She should avoid dogs and Italian neighbourhoods."

My boyfriend says things

Strange things.  On a regular basis.  After knowing him for six years and dating him for five, I'm still left in a state of wonder, awe and bewilderment at the things that come out of his mouth.