On flannel sheets

"Flannel sheets for women?... Yeah... Bitches love the flannel!"

On his trip to the dollar store

"How was the dollar store?"
"Good!  I made a friend."
"What?  Who?"
"Chip Tannahill.  He has three fingers."

On LED vs incandescent lights

(Sung to the tune of TLC's "Waterfalls")
"Don't go killing polar bears
For sewing room electricity
You know you gotta stick to the LEDs that you're used to
'Cause the bears are going too fast"

On spooning

"Do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?"
"I'm going to be the back spoon!  A soup spoon!"